A Missing Month Reclaimed via Facebook Updates

Or, "Wasting Time Dicking Around on the Internets Finally Served a Purpose"

July 6: Esposa is in serious denial.
In other words, "Que largo me lo fiais".

July 7: Esposa is officially a homeowner!
Closing went well and was remarkably uneventful, apart from the gut-wrenching guilt-trip the previous owners laid upon us, as if we had barged in and manhandled them out of their home and onto the street, cackling evilly and kicking their dog all the while. QOTD: "If I had known how horrible this was going to be, I would have installed an elevator!" Dave and I celebrated by having one last lunch at Open City. I love the new house, but I sure do miss Woodley Park.

July 8: Esposa really is a pretty awful driver.
I went out to revel in my new home for the first time as the New Owner and then backed into the utility pole at the end of the driveway on my way out. I quickly ascertained that no-one had seen my humiliation. Then I ran to my computer and posted it to Facebook.

July 14: Esposa has her communications back online! The move went well and we are settled in nicely.
So, Our New Home had never been previously wired for cable. This I learned when I went over to my New Home the morning after closing, only to find the Previous Owners hanging around in the driveway (I don't know why they were there, but I found it disconcerting). Mr. PO took the opportunity to explain to me how the 1960's rooftop antenna works to tune in the local channels 4, 5, 7, 14 and 27 by way of the "Channel-o-Matic" box that I may have noticed that he left for me in the den. (I had seen the box, and I did actually spend quite a bit of time puzzling over it, but alas, could not even imagine what it was or what it did or why it was there.) Apparently, you turn the dials on the Channel-o-Matic, which in turn manuevers the roof-top antenna to the best spot for picking up the channel you wish to view. He had it all set up just so, so "Don't mess with it", he admonished me. (He also scolded me for having left the front porch light on overnight the previous evening-- "Electricity is expensive, you know.") Anyway, Our New Home had never been wired for cable. I had a *very* difficult time making my friends at Comcast understand what I meant by "has never been wired for cable". I'm sure you know how that played out. I called up Verizon and ordered Fios instead. Hence, the jubulation when I was wired-in again after a week without my communications.

A Status Update I Didn't Post, But Should Have: Esposa was delighted to be joyfully reunited w/ JD after a week spent at Grammy and Poppy's!
JD, who had spent the last month insisting that he was NOT going to the new house, but rather just staying at the apartment, shocked and surprised us all by taking to his new house like a duck to water. He majorly amplified the cuteness factor by hugging, kissing, and patting me every few minutes, cocking his head and saying, "I missed you at Grammy's, but I'm so glad you're back!" ::giant heart-melt::

July 20: Esposa put together all the baby crap yesterday, and found it much more difficult to do this time around. (Like, 8+ tries to snap the frame of the bouncer seat together. Staring at the directions blankly.) Have the past 2.5 years really sucked that much of my brain dry?
Why yes, yes they have. And may God have mercy on my soul.

July 21: Esposa is HATING, vehemently hating, the over-tired, too-tired-to-fall-asleep, miserable cycle that JD has fallen into.
It was a rough patch. A VERY rough patch.

July 22: Esposa is DELIGHTED that JD (after he finally fell asleep last night) slept well all night long, was pleasant all day long, went to bed tonight w/out any fits or screaming, and fell right asleep right away. Ahhhh. Knock on wood.
It was a glorious day. A VERY glorious day.

July 23: Esposa can't stop googling "cave cricket". Yeeeeuck.
AKA, "spider crickets" or "jumping spiders". All in my sheds and basement. Mother. Fucker.

The Status Updates I Didn't Post, but Wanted To:
Esposa is about to run shrieking back to the Insect-Free Green Zone of her eighth floor apartment in Woodley Park.
Esposa is Not Cut Out to be a Homeowner.
Esposa is frantically calling every exterminator she can find online.
Esposa just found one of those motherfuckers in the Middle. of the. Living. Room. Esposa doesn't care that they're "not actually" spiders.
Esposa Is Terrified.

July 24: Esposa is glad to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary today.
Holy Shit. Five years, (almost) two kids, one New Home. I married a wonderful, imperfect man whom I love more than anything in the world, with whom I have created a family that I love more than life, more than I can imagine. I am uncertain why I deserve such blessings, but I am supremely grateful.

July 28: Esposa is very glad that the extermination of the "cave crickets" (a term that I find highly preferable to the more apropos "spider crickets") has begun.
The infestation was weighing heavily on my mind. I'll be honest- it still is.

July 28: Esposa is totally jinxing herself, buuuut... cannot believe how patient, polite, sweet and pleasant JD has been all day long. Seriously, where's the shrieking, whining, demanding guy I've come to know and love?
I chalked it up to all the chemicals the Bug Man sprayed throughout the house during The Raid. Like, in addition to killing spider-crickets, they also neutralized that part of my son's brain that causes him to comport himself like a maniacal misanthrope. That, or he was taken over by a pea-pod or a cyborg. It was a fabulous, fabulous day. Chock-full of pleases, thank yous, Mommy I love yous, and not a single bite, smack, or Deliberate Act of Defiance. Definitely one for the record books.

July 29: Esposa will be meeting BabyP#2 in four weeks from today. Yipes!!
Yipes is right. Holy Mother of God, what have I done??

July 29: Esposa is, if nothing else, glad that the pea-pod or cyborg or whatever it was that was possessing JD yesterday has found a new host.
I chalked it up to me being an awful, terrible, whole-hearted FAILURE of a mother. That, or he really is Son of Sam. I cried several times throughout the course of the day. It was a horrible, horrible day. Chock-full of biting, tantrums, shrieking, hitting, throwing, Willful Acts of Destruction and Deliberate Acts of Defiance, and not even a single cute smile, let alone a please, thank you or Mommy I love you. Definitely one for the record books.

July 29: Esposa is going to quit being so grumpy herself.
I honestly did try.

July 30: Esposa is pretty sure she just got conned into feeding Shank an extra dinner. Sneaky mutt.
And life is back to normal. All is well.